Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I see him die a little more inside... I don't wanna be a murderer

(words from Rihanna's Unfaithful)

So this is a pretty big topic.

How should one cope with infidelity in a relationship?

Now it is pretty easy to pack up and ship out when you have not invested a lot of time into the relationship. I would encourage breaking off the "romance", or lack there of, if someone was to be unfaithful to their partner at that stage in the game. But when in a relationship for years, even taking it a step further, in a marriage for years, how should one deal with the situation at hand?

Many people that I have come into contact with and others that I know right now have dealt with and are dealing with infidelity in their relationships. Trust has gone out the window but they are in no rush to make moves out the door. No matter how many times the topic comes up, they are never in a rush to completely eliminate the situation from their lives. Why is that? But then again, how could they?

Let's get one thing straight before we go any farther, both man and women cheat. I am not sure if there is, or ever was, a difference in the reason when looking at it as a whole. I think maybe every case is different and everyone who does cheat has their own "legitimate reasons" for doing the do.

Anywho, what would be your advice to someone who is caught up in this perdicament?

If there is forgiveness then I suppose forgeting should follow. It wouldn't be fair in my opinion to tell someone you forgive them for their transgression but still bring it up and throw it back in their face time after time. It's just like putting a bandage on an open wound and ripping it off every now and again. That wound is bound to remain open until further notice.

I know this is easier said than done. Even though I haven't dealt with infidelity in my relationship, things have happened that I have forgiven but it seems almost impossible to forget. Every now and then, I may bring it up or pass a comment about it and I know what I'm doing isn't benefiting anyone, I just can't keep it inside. Questions come up, thoughts come up, images come up and I'm stuck on replay for the entire day. The only way that I can catch a break is to rehash the dirt and stir up old feelings.

Your yes should mean yes when you agree to forgive someone, but forgetting is a pain in the rear end for me, simply because I have a good memory.

I ask myself all the time, concerning those who deal with extramarital affairs, how are you holding on to your sanity and remaining in the relationship? I think that I would be the most nagging, unreasonable, untrusting person, if I were to go through that experience. Never in a million years would I be able to forgive nevertheless forget. It must take strong will and a desire for the other person to remain in a relationship where your emotional stability is always on trembling waters. Sleepless nights, troublesome days, I declare right now, I will go insane. I would not be able to face that problem everyday for the rest of my life. Everytime I look at the person I feel that I will be reminded of what happened and sink back into sadness.

I know everyone would deal with it differently. some may jus t brush it off and go on as if nothing happened. My hat comes off to those soliders out there, who stick with the relationship and never bring up the destructive past. Kudos to you, for sure.

As a side note, I have a question. If you were related to someone who was cheating on their spouse, would you tell on that person, expose them and deal with the hurt feelings later, or will you wait until the spouse catches up with what is going on and pretend that you had no idea? Alittle tricky, I know.

*****This post may be a little all over the place, it's just that there is so much going on right now around me. *****

Until next time,

Meandering Memorandum


Therapeutic Musings said...

You just be coming out of nowhere lately!

In dating relationships, I don't see why people put up with any crap, let alone cheating. I say walk away quickly and don't turn back.

In a marriage, I'm not as quick to say leave. I would seek Christian counseling from a MARRIED couple and not just have a random "doctor" spouting you textbook information. If that advice doesn't work for you, do your own thing, that's just what I would do.

I would say something to the cheater, I think. But maybe not, I've been known to chicken out of confrontation.

Can we get a hey this is Mrs.YF and I'm doing well, this is what's going on post once in a while, geez! LOL I hope school is going well and the boyfriend is fine!

Mrs.Young_fashion said...

You are too much. LOL, I will definitely work on that. The work load is easing up a bit, so I could absolutely find time to restart my blogging.

And I definitely agree with your suggestions.

Thanks for reading.

T said...

In dating relationships I say RUN away as fast as you can if someone cheats. Don't get stuck in a life of infidelity.

I've written about how if someone cheats on me in a marriage I'd stay. I recently had an epiphany that it would really depend on who they cheated with and what the circumstances were. Of course, I'm not going to divulge which circumstances I could tolerate and which I couldn't, 'cause I don't go giving people passes to cheat on me.

And of course, as I grow and change as a person, I expect that what I think is ok and not ok will change as well.

Mrs.Young_fashion said...

"passes to cheat" LOL.

I agree with the changing. With age comes wisdom but also a lack of tolerance for stupidity.